


The Diary

by RachelLC789



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 5x03, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Diary, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Post Reveal, SuperCorp, Supercorp endgame, after 5x03, i love them, it's almost a crack fic but i've decided to take it too seriously, okay so maybe it's sad too, they're so cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2020-12-27 23:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelLC789/pseuds/RachelLC789
Summary: Post 5x03What would happen if Kara accidentally swapped her journals with Lex's and gave her own private diaries to Lena?





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, this is my first supercorp fic.
> 
> It's almost a crack fic but I took it too seriously.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> :)

Kara was looking through Lena's window, holding Lex's journals between her shaking hands. She could see Lena sitting on the couch paying attention to her phone, and with a little effort, she was able to hear Lena's heartbeat. A repetitive, but beautiful rhythm, her favorite sound in the whole world.

Kara took a deep breath and tightened the notebooks in her hands. They were her true chance of getting Lena's full forgiveness. Flying to Paris was a nice gesture but Kara knew she would have to do something truly meaningful to regain Lena's trust. Breaking into a government facility to steal Lex Luthor's journals, well, that felt like a grand gesture in Kara's point of view

"I just want things to go back to the way they were" Kara thought. Lena might have said she had forgiven her, but Kara knew better. She knew how to spot sadness on Lena's beautiful face. She could almost feel Lena's brokenness when they locked eyes. Kara just hoped one day Lena would feel Kara's regret and sorrow for keeping Supergirl a secret for so long.

Kara was sure the worst thing she had ever done was to break Lena's Luthor heart. She didn’t even know how she was asking Lena for forgiveness when she knew she would never forgive herself for breaking the most precious thing on this Earth.

Holding her breath and a little hesitant, Kara flew to Lena's balcony.

\---------//---------

Lena wasn’t really expecting to see Kara, or anyone, that night. She was all alone again, trying to avoid her own thoughts . "you don't want to overthink anything" Lena thought "you don't want to think at all". "Don't think about Kara's face nor smiles, don't think about her kindness, don't think about how her tears were as heartbreaking as finding out about her secret. Do not question your illogical rage. No, not illogical, very logical. I have the right to be angry at her. I have the right to want to hurt Kara. Do I want to hurt Kara? Hope said it was the right thing to do. Do I trust Hope? The way I once trusted Kara ?"

\- Stop it. - Lena murmured massaging her head - stop it now.

Lena was conflicted. A kind of conflict she only felt once, when she watched her own brother become a supervillain and knew he was doing bad things but he was her brother, she loved him, she couldn’t hurt him, not at the time. And now there was Kara or Supergirl, Lena was still a bit confused about the way of addressing the blonde.

Kara had used her. Lied to her. Every day for months and months. She betrayed Lena in cold blood. Lena was used to being lied to, just not by someone she trusted, especially because Kara was the only one. Betrayal only comes from where you least expect, in this case, from whom. Lena was entitled to anger, Kara knew how trust from her was the most precious thing and she still broke it. Lena was entitled to rage. But… what rage?

Lena indeed felt rage, even a bit of hate for Supergirl when she first found out about her dirty little secret. But that was before. Before Kara faced her and told her about Supergirl, before Kara cried and begged for her forgiveness and the only hate Lena felt was self-hatred, for making Kara Danvers cry. Before Kara flew across the globe only to spoil Lena. She went to Paris for Lena, how could the Luthor keep on hating her? Lena pretended she was still angry with Hope and pretended she was okay to Kara, but the truth was: Lena didn’t quite know what she was feeling, all she knew she didn’t want to be hurt again, but she also didn’t want to hurt Kara.

Now Kara was out there, breaking a federal law only to make Lena few a little better. Because Lena was worth it, the risk, the consequences, Lena Luthor was worth it all and Kara always made that very clear whenever she could. Kara made Lena feel meaningful; valid.

Then, Lena felt a presence on the balcony. And there she was, holding some notebooks with a smile painted on that beautiful face. Kara Danvers brought those journals for her. Supergirl was smiling for her. Lena walked outside as Kara gracefully landed on the floor. It was still odd to see Kara in the super suit, just like it was still weird to see Supergirl in Kara Danvers' clothes.

\- I hope they help - Kara said handing over the diaries.

\- They already have - Lena assured. And if Kara wasn’t too focused on her own heartbeat, she would have clearly heard Lena's heart racing as they locked eyes.

\- I hope we haven’t crossed any boundaries.

\- No. - Kara quickly replied - For a friend like you there are no boundaries.

Lena knew what Kara meant but she couldn’t help a smirk cripple in her lips. Sometimes Kara was way too naïve. Lena knew Kara didn’t intend to since her best friend was straighter than an arrow but that was some nice flirting line. Friendly flirting. Nothing Lena hadn’t done before.

It took Kara almost a minute to realize what she had said and what implications that sentence had. She felt her neck get hotter and wild her eyes. Kara gulped and smiled at Lena, a friendly smile since the brunette was looking at her in a weird way. "do not embarrass yourself in front of Lena again" Kara mused. 

\- I- I've got to go - Kara stuttered - saving the city and stuff.

\- and stuff hum? - Lena raised an eyebrow, she couldn’t help playing with this new flustered Kara, that only seemed to blush more and more - Well, thank you again for these.

\- Anything you need - Kara stated sincerely.

\- Go - Lena smiled - save some lives for me, Kara Zor-El.

Kara felt a wave of happiness hit her. She would never get used to hearing Lena say her real name.

\- See you later - Supergirl waved flying of the penthouse.

Lena watched, amazed, Kara turn into a small spot on the horizon and then quickly disappear. 

\- Alright - the Luthor turned her head to the notebooks - Let's take a look at you.


	2. Something's wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where Lex's journals aren't Lex's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the one where Lex's journals aren't Lex's

The bedroom was illuminated by a few aromatic candles and weak rays of the sun from the window. Lena had spent all night hesitating to open the diaries. What could they be hiding? how many secrets could her brother keep from her? The last secret Lex told her shattered her heart to a million pieces, what else could he know? She was sure he words in that notebook were there only to break her again.

Lena felt her body go even more tired. Maybe having those diaries was a bad idea, perhaps she should just call Kara and ask her to throw them out of Earth or something like that. Unfortunately, Lena's curiosity as just as big as her fear. She was scared to read the diaries but she had to know what her brother wrote.

\- Alright, Luthor - Lena clenched her fists and straightened her posture - you've already wasted a night. Pull yourself together. Get over it.

With one move, she took one of the diaries in her hand and quickly analyzed the cover. It was an old brown leathery tissue with some faded parts, it looked a survivor. It reminded Lena of old travel journals that survived snow, water, wind and hot sun, those that had been around the world.

Then she opened the first page. It contained nothing but one phrase:

" There is no correct path in life. You will lose your way many times,   
what's important is that you find your way back.  
Be wise, be strong and always be true to yourself."  
\- Mom 

"It's a nice piece of advice." But Lena knew something was terribly wrong. Her mother would never say something like that. And her brother would never pay attention to such a quote to then write it down in his journal. Neither of them was interested in being or the right path or being true to themselves. They were interested in power and causing pain, eager to conquer whatever they could no matter who they would hurt.

"Unless…" Lena wondered "they were secretly close. Perhaps Mother loved Lex like a mom should love a son, and perhaps Lex loved her like a child should love their mother. And they exchanged nice quotes and advice, even confided to each other. Maybe I wasn’t just worth their love after all. They always said I wasn’t enough of a Luthor. Apparently, behind my broken home, there was a loving family, after all, the only problem was me."

The next page followed the gorgeous handwriting the one before had. "Lex really did put some effort into this after all."

Dear Diary,  
My sister came out to me today…

\- WHAT!?- Lena exclaimed. Could Lex know? She had never even come out to anyone! "I still haven’t said out loud my preference for the ladies, how did Lex find out? I have had boyfriends that Lex was aware of and I have made sure that all women I have been with didn’t know who I was and neither of us would remember one another's name on the morning after. There is no way my brother knew. And yet he clearly said I came out to him, and I never did!" 

Lena couldn’t be more confused and surer that something was terribly wrong. First, her cold blood mother and psychopath brother are best friends and exchange love words. Then her best-kept secret, the one Lena made sure no one would ever find out, wasn’t so secret anymore.

\- Something is wrong with this diary. - Lena whispered, trying to convince herself - It has to be.

I never thought Alex was gay….

\- OH MY GOD. -Lena immediately dropped the diary and moved away from it - Oh God! Oh God, oh God! -"Oh no, no, no, no, no, this CANNOT be happening!" She was hyperventilating now, she could feel her wide away and trembling legs. 

\- This isn’t Lex's. Oh dear God. This is Kara's. - Lena moved closer to the diaries trying to calm herself down. - It's Kara's diary.

"Should… should I keep reading it ?" Lena asked herself as she got closer to the diaries "No, of course not, it's too personal. I would never let anyone read I diary of mine if I kept one. It's Kara's life written in there if I were her I would never let anyone even near these notebooks. But if I'm not supposed to read them, since I'm invading her privacy, what am I supposed to do with them? Why did she give them to me? Was it even on purpose? Would Kara simply give her own personal diaries to me? Does she trust me this much?

-Oh. - a thought hit Lena. "Kara did this as a way to show me she trusts me. Her final apology. She gave me all of her thoughts and secrets for me to read. Because she trusts me.

Lena felt a strange warm sensation in her stomach. Maybe Kara did trust her after all. Then she hopped on the bed, forgetting all her tiredness and sleepiness, the sun was already up and Lena was ready to see what Kara had to say. "This is, at least, going to be very interesting."

Dear diary,  
My sister came out to me today. I never thought  
Alex was gay, to be honest. But before I say any-  
thing else, I'd like to be very clear and say that I  
LOVE my sister. She's my best friend and nothing  
Could ever change that. Well, maybe if she killed  
Someone but I would have to analyze the situation.  
Anyway, my point is I never thought Alex was gay.  
She has had many boyfriends before, not that defines  
Someone sexuality but you know what I mean.

I tried my best to show Alex that I love and support  
Her no matter who she loves. I just hope she believes  
It. Because it's true.

These humans have transformed "sexuality"  
in to a mess! I mean, do they truly believe that   
"straight" is "normal" sexuality? Please. I admire  
humanity a lot, but they are dummies when it comes   
to this. Back in Krypton, we didn’t have such things as   
sexuality or even gender roles. They are basically  
made up, stupid things that I had to learn how to   
follow here on earth. 

First of all, there aren’t only two genders. That’s   
something humans got very wrong. Also what is   
up with these "masculine" and "feminine" things?  
A masculine color? a feminine job? It's funny to  
think people really do take this seriously.

second of all, sexuality doesn’t work the way they  
think it does. It's not gay or straight, it's not this or  
that. It is a spectrum, it changes. No one is 100%  
straight or 100% gay, myself included.

\- Oh, wait - Lena read the last sentence again to make sure she read it correctly - Oh wow.

She pushed the diary closer to her face and read the phrase one more time again, just to make sure. Until it hit her. "So I guess Kara Danvers isn’t so straight after all" Lena smiled to herself. The rest of the page continued on a rant about gender and sexuality, but nothing so personal.

Lena read the other paragraphs without much interest until she felt her eyes got heavy and her body go number. She pushed the notebooks aside and gave in to her sleep. Lena wasn’t feeling so worried anymore, just excitement, there was still a lot of Kara Danvers to read about.


	3. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long

Lena wasn't exactly overexcited to read the diary. Of course, there was that one part of her that ached to know every word that was written in there, but there was also that one tiny bit that was worried about crossing boundaries.

Yes, Kara gave her the diary, but some things are too personal. That one tiny didn't want to do something that could possibly hurt Kara. And that one tiny bit was stronger than every other part telling her to ignore the boundaries, to step out of line.

The Luthor was just batting an eye on the pages. Taking in some words here and there, but never stopping to truly ready anything. Until, by the middle end of the notebook she stumbled across a page with a different color of paint. That one was written in black. On top of the page was in capitals a title: **THE TRUTH**

"It's this one. I'll read this text and nothing else."

**THE TRUTH**

_Dear Diary, _

_ I don't know why it took me so long to figure out. Why I always chose to just not think about or pretend I knew exactly what was going on. Even you probably know. But I didn't. Not until today. _

_ Today was special. It was supposed to be a normal day of work. I thought it was going to be one. Until i came into my office. You would not believe the image in front o of me. It was filled with flowers, every single wall, every single forgotten space had a least a petal. It made me want to cry out of happiness, and I may admit just now that a single tear might've rolled over my cheeks w_hen _I figured out who had sent it._

Lena felt a warmth growing in her chest. She knew Kara had liked the little surprise but she never would've guessed that Supergirl would cry because Lena Luthor was the one to send them.

_ Lena sent me flowers. It still doesn't feel real when I write it. She didn't even left a note, as if she didn't want credit for it. I know she only did this because of the article I wrote but I don't think i've ever been happier. _

_ The one thing that could ruin this right now is me. I don't know why i keep pushing the day I'll tell Lena I am Supergirl. No, I do know why. But it's so selfish, that sometimes I'd like to believe that isn't the only reason._

_ The truth is, I'm so scared that once I tell her she won't look at me again. I can feel the sadness drowning my heart as I think about. If she feels betrayed, if I am the cause of her pain, I keep paint this scenarios in my head and every single one is unbearable. The truth is, I don't want to imagine my life without Lena. I can't imagine it. I can't imagine a day when she and I are in the same room and she must keep distance. I don't want to think what it would be like to never hold her hand again. _

_ And today, when I cried because Lena Luthor had sent me flowers because I stood up for her, it all hit me. The realization that at some point her I will lose her. I will lose Lena because I wasn't strong enough to tell her before. It's too late now and I know that. And the more time I spend keeping my double life from her the more I know she will be hurt. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't afford to be the one to break Lena's heart again even though I know I will._

Lena was too concentrated on the words that she didn't even notice the tears rolling down her eyes like small waterfalls. Or the was her chest kept coming up and down on a rhythmless pace. Or the was her heart was sinking with every word read.

_ By now you have probably figured out. I don't know how it took me so long. But the truth is I don't want to live without Lena, I don't know if I could. _ _The truth is I am in love with Lena Luthor. And I love her more than she could ever know._


End file.
